"You are kind and show such grace." Thanks, but my self control does not erase That I'll still punch you in the face I practice gratitude To alter my attitude And manage the triggers that ruin my mood So just because I choose to invoke A gag order upon my own throat Know that I am no joke You will find my manner is mild But don't get it twisted, Child I am still raging and wild -gws
You are not broken You are wounded Broken things have damage That can only be repaired They are forever left weakened And will always be at risk Of the repair failing one day Wounded things can heal If you tend them gently and well Wounds knit and the scar tissue makes them stronger Wounds stretch and though they may ache from time to time They will strengthen Though forever altered Healing makes the wound whole again So you, too, will stretch and strengthen You will grow stronger The wound cannot be unmade And its scar will be a landmark upon you Reminding you that you survived And you became stronger for it Be gentle with your self judgment You are wounded Not at all broken And you can and will heal With patience, time, and tender care -gws
A quart of anger A pinch of shame A tablespoon of rage And a dash of pain A pint of sorrow And a gallon of regret Blend them together And let them ferment Let set until sufficiently bitter Serve cold to set the liquor Some may disapprove of spite But as humble pie It tastes just right - gws
It is said healing is not linear. My healing journey must be the most intense roller coaster ever constructed. -gws
Beware love spells. Beware the wanting. Beware the asking. You may get more than you bargained for. -gws
I used to write for you Now I only write about you You do not have the patience Or maybe the capacity for poetry -gws
"In the end, you cannot save what does not want to be saved."
"When the pain is greater than the fear, you will know what to do."
Every time your resentments flow like tidal waves
I drown in a truth that is brighter than the sun
You didn’t want this life
You didn’t want me
You thought by choosing me you were…
...making right on the injuries you inflicted
...picking the girl who would be steady and sure
...thumbing your nose at your conservative parents
...proving something to your sisters
...doing what was expected of you by your family and society
...doing what you expected of yourself
You might have loved me once
But you don’t know how to love yourself
And unless you can love yourself
You cannot love anyone else
And we all suffer
You
Me
The kids
In trying to manifest some imagined expectation you believe the world burdened you with
You have doomed us to a hollow, lonely existence
In the darkest moments, I sometimes wish you had never come back
After you walked away all those years ago
I sometimes think the man I fell in love with never returned
You went out for bread and just never came back
Only your demons returned wearing your face
Time has not been kind to us
Nor has it bred kindness in us
Though I think I really tried
But the steel in your eye and the edge in your voice
As you lay down my assigned crimes in a quiet growl
Eviscerates me over and over for
The crimes of a world that doesn't adhere to your desires
It hurts to love you
And I don’t know if I have it in me to continue to try
I am drinking sand in the desert for lack of water
And I am withering inside
So just admit that I am not what you wanted
I am what you thought you should have
A requirement on the test of Life
That allowed you to check the box of successful adulthood
"Hurt people, hurt people," I've heard it said
You are a drowning man who is blindly flailing
Endangering or scaring off those who might help
I accept your life's injury and pain
But I do not accept responsibility for it
And I cannot continue to endure your wrath to heal you
"In the end, you cannot save what does not want to be saved."
"When the pain is greater than the fear, you will know what to do."
-gws
So, I just witnessed a random occurrence from my dining room window. Captured by the hazy, early afternoon light, I found myself gazing out of the window not too long after lunch. Everything was as expected for a mid-Spring day until something very odd caught my eye. As I looked out I saw…Jesus. As in Jesus CHRIST. The Messiah. The bearded dude. God Jr. One third of the original pop group, The Holy Trinity. Randomly, at one-thirty in the afternoon, on a Friday, there’s Jesus. He was walking down my street, carrying a slightly smaller than life-sized cross, and headed up the block. He was not walking on the sidewalk. That might have brought a sense of normalcy to the scene. Jesus was walking in the roadway. No people around. No cameras. Just a guy dressed as Jesus on, what I realized, was Good Friday. He was reenacting The Passion as his own show of deep faith. I felt honored to be allowed to witness such a personal act of devotion to faith. -gws
Do you see me? I’m here! Over here! Please look my way. Right now, if you will. I need to be seen. Am I loud enough? Am I bouncy enough? Am I doing enough to draw you into me? I need to be reminded I am important to someone. To you. Right now. My inner child is screaming for recognition. Just acknowledge me and I promise I will relax. That feels good. Thank you. Wait. How about a little more? Wait, don’t go back to what you were doing. I still crave your attention. I still am desperate for validation. I still need. I still need. I still need… -gws
Wonder is the deepest magical experience possible. - gws
Words Wishes and Wisdom 