I used to write for you Now I only write about you You do not have the patience Or maybe the capacity for poetry -gws
I used to write for you
Tag: Relationships
When the Pain is Greater
"In the end, you cannot save what does not want to be saved."
"When the pain is greater than the fear, you will know what to do."
Every time your resentments flow like tidal waves
I drown in a truth that is brighter than the sun
You didn’t want this life
You didn’t want me
You thought by choosing me you were…
...making right on the injuries you inflicted
...picking the girl who would be steady and sure
...thumbing your nose at your conservative parents
...proving something to your sisters
...doing what was expected of you by your family and society
...doing what you expected of yourself
You might have loved me once
But you don’t know how to love yourself
And unless you can love yourself
You cannot love anyone else
And we all suffer
You
Me
The kids
In trying to manifest some imagined expectation you believe the world burdened you with
You have doomed us to a hollow, lonely existence
In the darkest moments, I sometimes wish you had never come back
After you walked away all those years ago
I sometimes think the man I fell in love with never returned
You went out for bread and just never came back
Only your demons returned wearing your face
Time has not been kind to us
Nor has it bred kindness in us
Though I think I really tried
But the steel in your eye and the edge in your voice
As you lay down my assigned crimes in a quiet growl
Eviscerates me over and over for
The crimes of a world that doesn't adhere to your desires
It hurts to love you
And I don’t know if I have it in me to continue to try
I am drinking sand in the desert for lack of water
And I am withering inside
So just admit that I am not what you wanted
I am what you thought you should have
A requirement on the test of Life
That allowed you to check the box of successful adulthood
"Hurt people, hurt people," I've heard it said
You are a drowning man who is blindly flailing
Endangering or scaring off those who might help
I accept your life's injury and pain
But I do not accept responsibility for it
And I cannot continue to endure your wrath to heal you
"In the end, you cannot save what does not want to be saved."
"When the pain is greater than the fear, you will know what to do."
-gws
I still need…
Do you see me? I’m here! Over here! Please look my way. Right now, if you will. I need to be seen. Am I loud enough? Am I bouncy enough? Am I doing enough to draw you into me? I need to be reminded I am important to someone. To you. Right now. My inner child is screaming for recognition. Just acknowledge me and I promise I will relax. That feels good. Thank you. Wait. How about a little more? Wait, don’t go back to what you were doing. I still crave your attention. I still am desperate for validation. I still need. I still need. I still need… -gws
Rancor
The hollow place where rot lives Where necrotic tissue festers Feverish and pestilent Slowly poisoning the soul Infecting every thought Corrupting hope Deforming relationships into twisted nightmares That only you can see through its distorted lens Leaving you rabid and snarling Snapping at everyone who gets too close Rageful and destructive Prompting you to strike out in all directions But you're only immolating yourself -gws
Fierce Friends
Yesterday I saw a friend for the first time in a long time. Although it hadn't been terribly long, a lot of life happened for both of us since I last saw them. We hugged each other fiercely, as if quenching a long neglected thirst. The power of the moment, the energy and emotion that flew across the room and into my unknowingly needful arms was surprisingly welcome. Everything stopped for a few heartbeats as we existed in the silent contentment of a deeply longed for and comforting embrace. They are kindred. Family. Precious to me in ways I have no need to explain. Being with them is like sipping sweet water for my soul. Time together is always precious and seems never long enough. I look forward to the next visit together. -gws
Walnuts
You used to taste like walnuts Sweet and earthy Now you taste of vinegar and bitterness -gws
Please excuse the mess
Please excuse the mess This house is under construction Held together by scotch tape and string The foundation is rotten and weak And there are bats in the attack Making a terrible mess of things At least the curtains are nice -gws
Broken Things
I have a special talent for finding broken things I find the problems that no one else notices I find the shards of glass that evade discovery I find the people who silently wish someone would see their pain I do not find to fix I do not wish to mend I do not seek out what is damaged I just have the ability to see what tends to go unseen To really shine a light into the flaws I bare witness to what most people rush past Maybe this is because I'm curious Maybe because I am willing to shift my perspective In ways others lack the imagination for It is a talent and a curse This ability manifests in all areas of my life It shows up in the mundane and in the significant In my tasks and in my relationships I don't know why I have this gift I'm not sure if I'm using it as expected or intended I do accept it for what it is I accept that it brings both pain and triumph I acknowledge this talent I acknowledge its significance I am an agent of the Universe A servant of the greater good Touching both the rose and the thorn The beauty and the pain And being of service to the greater good Seeing what is neglected or invisible Advocating Listening Bearing witness With honesty and earnestness -gws
Prison of Anxiety
I sit in the prison of your anxiety
The ever-moving labyrinth of mood and emotion
Worry and fear
Shame and anger
Afraid to disturb the shadows or sigh too deeply
In case my breath causes you to erupt
I fear drawing your attention by moving too quickly
Like drawing the attention of immortal beings in fairy tales
If I run, it will draw your ire
If I sit silently, you might forget I'm here
And never turn your flaming eyes in my direction
I hide when you seek me
I cannot heal or help
I cannot hold you up
Your fear and anger sharpen your tongue to a razor's edge
And I have scars upon scars
There is no reason in your mental prison
Rational thought cannot survive there
Though I love you, I cannot survive here
Amongst the rage and blame and shame and fear
I cannot be your comfort and your enemy
I cannot continue to be torn by your dichotomy
You may be fractured, but I wish to be whole
When the dawn comes, I will choose me
And leave the dark to you
-gws
Holding Up the Moon
I am tired of holding up the moon. When it turns its back on me, I suffer under its gravity. -gws
Words Wishes and Wisdom 