This weekend sees another rotation around the sun completed
This weekend sees me trying to solve some of the hardest challenges of my adulthood
This weekend sees me reluctant to do any celebrating
Forty-six
Forty-six years of joys and heartaches
Of tryings and learnings
Of experimentation and exploration
I think on the six year old me
The sixteen year old me
The twenty-six year old me
The thirty-six year old me
Each of these stages of my life reflect a different person than I am now
Softer, more optimistic, more naive and innocent versions of me
I am grateful for all of my experiences as they have shaped me
They have forged me in fire and tempered me in ice water
My scars and wounds show that I have lived and loved
They show that I have tried and failed and gotten back up
I am graced to have the gift of experience and perspective
For you can only obtain these gifts by living
Although I may not be bathing in the contentment I dreamed I'd have at this age
The journey is not over
There are more tales to be lived and pages to be written
More love to be given and received
Everyday that the sun rises, there is hope to create the narrative I want for myself
Being an adult is scary and contrary to popular belief
No one knows what they are doing
We're all just making it up as we go along
And trying to learn from those who have already been there
There's no getting it right
Only doing our best at every step we're able to take
So here's to forty-six
May dreams manifest
May peace prevail
May I continue to grow, and love, and learn in all things I do
-gws
May your table be set with love.
May your company experience belonging.
May your table's bounty feed the soul.
May your blessings be plentiful and your gratitude boundless.
-gws
She was wild
Divinely corralled
Pulsing with wind chasing through wild grasses
Bubbling icy streams and
Hummingbird wings
All kinetic energy and joy for existing
-gws
You are exactly as you need to be in this moment
Whatever that looks and feels like
It is not always going to be sunshine and rainbows
Sometimes it is dark clouds and heavy rain
All of it is okay
All of it is the human experience
All of it is the magic of living life in these human bodies
It is messy and joyful and painful and elating and exhausting
The beauty is in wrapping your arms around the IS
We get to walk this path
Experiencing the vast complexity of being
-gws
I wander amongst the damp earth and moss covered trees.
I walk by the water where the stones are worn smooth and reflect on how life has polished and refined me.
-gws
Once so tangible and full of detail
Now blurred to softness like watercolor ghosts
What used to feel like yesterday now reminds that yesterday was a long time ago
Like chalk in rain, only hints of detail remain
Specifics are now impressions wrapped in a soft quilt of nostalgia
I grasp hopelessly at the intangible like trying to hold onto a dream upon waking
I wish I could return to the presence of those times
To stand within myself and see again from my own eyes
Feel again with my own senses
Retouch the blurring lines like an old tattoo
And return the vivid, Technicolor, stereophonic quality of those most precious moments
In Kodachrome vibrancy on the mental reel to reel that are my memories
Before time leeched them of their saturation
Like a well-loved security blanket with its rough edges and snagged seams
I handle these memories with adoration as I explore what remains of something so
precious
And sit in gratitude for still having them at all
-gws
Gentle Mother, Goddess of Light
Who is my provider and peacemaker
My guardian and counselor
Who is my teacher and my grace
I lay my weary head down upon your thigh
And relax into your comforting embrace
As a child with her mother
I release my fears and worries over to your care
And float, unburdened, in the warmth of your love
I bare to you my imperfections and am reminded that I am exactly as I am meant to be
I ask you to guide me to always do the next right thing
I ask you to remind me to be as forgiving of myself as you are of me
My love and trust in you are perfect
As your love and guidance for me is perfect
Help me to be where my feet are
Help me to manifest strength when I need
Help me to think and act with compassion for others and myself
Help me to forgive more willingly
Help me to know and live my truth regardless of others' understanding of it
Help me to set aside my defenses and listen with empathy
Help me to find a little more patience when I fall short
Help me to know when to stand and when to withdraw
May I be humbled and inspired by you
And may I manifest your motherly love in all directions I travel in this life
-gws
