Cellophane Love Notes

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You will never love me the way I love you
And that's ok
Because loving you makes me brighter
Loving you gives my words weight
And my dreams color
It's longing for you that I will avoid doing
It's hoping that one day you will love me back
That I cannot let my heart abide
It's not that you do not care
You care deeply
Devotedly
But it is not the same as love reciprocated
And I cannot conflate the two
Or I will drown in heartbreak of my own creation
Instead I sit in the the patch of warm sunlight that is your affection
Feeling content in being seen
Being heard
Being cared for
In ways few others do
I attach cellophane love notes to the walls of my beautiful prison
Declaring "I love you!" in invisible ink that you will never see
You will never love me the way I love you
But you love me nonetheless in your own way
And I will let that be enough

 - gws

I am a Phoenix

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I am a phoenix
White fire and quiet, contained power
Yet you mistake me for something common
I am elemental and fierce
I am intuitive and intelligent
I am calm and steadfast
Until ignited or inflamed
That is when all of my truth
All of my fearsomeness and fire
Blaze like a beacon in the night
Warning all who see me that 
I am transformed into my divine self
Wings spread wide
Eyes blazing
Consuming all that stands in my way
I will always get back up
I will always rise again
Smarter
More experienced
Clearer-eyed
You may not see that I am a precious rarity
But I promise you that when I ascend
I will shine with divine light
And leave you cowering in total darkness

-gws

Oh Northwest Wind

(A Northern California Call for Autumn’s Arrival)

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Oh Northwest Wind
Bring forth your breeze
And with your breath make summer ease

Oh Northwest Wind
Gift your crisp, biting air
That tells us Fall will soon come to bear

Oh Northwest Wind
Please do not tease
Instead, herald the changing of the leaves

Oh Northwest Wind
Return us our foggy blanket
So we may start dreaming of harvest banquets

Oh Northwest Wind
Please place kisses on our skin
So Summer knows its rule is at an end

Oh Northwest Wind
Time to dance through the pines
While we bundle in sweaters and sip rich wine

Oh Northwest Wind
Please bless us from above
So that we may give thanks with Autumnal love

-gws

Asking

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You ask what can you do
Nothing
You can do nothing
How can you offer what you do not have
How can you heal what you cannot perceive
How can you give comfort 
I speak with ghosts as you lay next to me 
So I can remember what it feels like to be seen
To be understood in a way you are incapable of
I don't know if you will ever be capable of learning to love me
In all of the deeply intricate ways that I need
Not If you can't learn to see me for who and what I actually am
-gws

Thousand Cuts

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I don't get to run from pain
It finds me
It circles like a wolf pack around wounded prey
I drop to my knees
Paralyzed and desperate for breath
Silent screams dying on my swollen lips
Tear tracks on my cheeks like tattoos
There's not enough rage to power a comeback
I've always gotten back up
But when is enough fight enough
When do I get to catch a break
Death by a thousand cuts is agony
Maybe I just need to lay face down in the mud
And let it drown me
I'm too tired to take another hit
-gws

Hollywood Nights

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These Hollywood nights are long
The city filled with thousands of souls
All of us together yet alone
The green and white neon outside my window burns intrusively bright
Adding to my restlessness in an unforgiving summer heat
I imagine this is what Hell feels like
All sweat, restlessness, longing, and need
The fan whirls and clicks in the corner of the room
Impotent in its efforts to bring relief

I stare at soot-stained walls remembering
You are mine and I am yours
Though we are neither
You haunt my dreams
The smell of you
The taste of you
The dancing electricity of your skin against mine
The spark of us igniting together
I submerge into the memory of us
Distracting myself from the oppression of a city that welcomes no one

I see your silhouette leaning over me when I close my eyes
I feel the softness of your lips and the heat of your breath
I shiver as goosebumps rise on my too hot skin
I can almost feel your hands on my body
And the ghost of your lust-heavy voice whispering in my ear
I let out an inaudible gasp as rivulets of sweat run races along my throat
Reminding me of your fingertips

Sirens suddenly erupt from the street
The walls now the stage for the dance of red and blue strobes
Reality returns with its harsh shadows and sharp light
Razor-edged voices rise up from the sidewalk
Flavoring the oppressive night with desperation and power struggles
I take a drag off my joint in an attempt to increase the space between me and the world
I hold the smoke in my lungs for as long as I can
Praying that when I release it that I can float away from this existence with it
Back to the place where you held me close in a cool, comforting illusion of love

-gws