How did it feel when I was finally arrested? Did it bring you glee to know I was handcuffed and taken away? Were you happy your long standing desire was finally fulfilled? Were you satisfied with yourself? Did you celebrate? Did you pat yourself on the back triumphantly? Did you rejoice knowing I was forced into the company of actual criminals? Did it make you giddy to know I experienced the humiliation of being strip searched? Were you finally satisfied to get the mother of your children arrested? Was it all you hoped for?
Who does that? Who plots plans premediates such things? Who bates and berates? Who starts a fire and fans the flames? Who then pretends that they didn't create the inferno? Who has no remorse? Who shows love like that? Who did I marry? How soon can I be free?
Curtains of branches and leaves cascade to the ground Creating a sanctuary for childhood dreams beneath The somber sway of weeping willows Hides from common eyes the magical worlds they held for me I made friends of willow trees The trees of my childhood spoke to me They greeted me every time I played in their park There are less of them today But a few still stand Providing mystical playgrounds for new children I wave hello to those trees when I pass them by Hoping they remember the little girl who loved them so well And always will
I have no interest in dating or lovers I think that part of me might be dead At least I cannot feel anything where that want should be It is a dead zone in my chest A hollow place A salted field that cannot grow life
I have too much healing to do So much work to do I need to learn how to TRUST myself again How to LOVE myself again How to BE myself again
Now is the time for quiet The time to feel complicated feelings Listen to the whispers of a broken heart A disillusioned spirit The time to grieve shattered dreams Relinquished hopes And lost futures
When the processing is complete The healing well advanced The distrust subsided We'll see where I am What I want What I need Who I am
You gave me scars deep below my skin So I keyed this poem into your car A parting gift A reminder of the damage you've caused Easier to repair than what you did to me
I have befriended darkness I have plunged my fingers into the deep blackness Smelled its rich sent Felt its chill I have stared into its oblivion Wondering what is on the other side And I've felt it watching me back Equally curious It whispers of base things Lust Craving Need Reckless abandon Danger Ecstasy Seduction Indulgence Pleasure Pain I have felt it caress my skin Shadow spooning the light Defining my edges I am incomplete without it Its contrast necessary Reminding that there is no light Without darkness to define it
Words Wishes and Wisdom 