My Nervous System Knows

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When vibrant joy sparks bitter tears
It means that too many years
Have been spent in emotional blight
That no jubilation can put to right

Like a cloud crossing the sun
Or a dissonant chord rung
When my heart swells and glows
My nervous system knows

That this joy will lead to grieving
My chest begins its heaving
Turning smiles into frowns
As the cortisol lets down

How long has this been so
I will not pretend to know
Like a candle smothered 
I unconsciously keep covered

That which makes me take up space
Before I can feel the grace
Of real joy in my blood
I dump it in the mud

I avoid the disappointment
Like a fly stuck in the ointment
I abandon my true will
When he sets on me that chill

And so I am now trained
That joy will end in pain
I know that I must mend
So the sun can shine again

-gws

Big Feelings

My feelings are big
They feel bigger than me
They feel taller and broader
Than the tallest tall tree

A hand on my belly
I count, "One, two, three..."
And breathe in as deep
As the shining blue sea

Repeat this again
As much as I need
Until those big feelings
They start to recede

Last, wrap my arms tight
And give Self a hug
Say, "You're doing alright."
"You just needed self-love"

-gws

I Might Have Been

In another life I might have been
A pirate queen
A courtesan
A poison-wielding spy
A teacher's pet
A protégé
The apple of your eye
A doe-eyed starlet
A beatnik poet
A comic, humor wry
An astronaut
A swimming star
A mime who would not cry
And yet I have this life to live
One shot for this go 'round
For all the mes that might have been
I like the me I found

-gws

Crafting a Poem

With pen and ink
Paper and light
And a turn of phrase
I start to write

Of dreams and hopes
Of nightmares and fears
With strokes of ink
A poem appears

Like witch's spell
Or bard's pub song
From poet's heart
My words are drawn

To craft clever poems
Each word I must weave
Into a construction
A heart can believe

Whether magic or mischief
Love story or lie
I've just crafted a poem
And now bid goodbye

-gws

A Mother’s List

Wake them
Dress them
Feed them
Then it's off to school
Pick them up
And bring them home
Provide a snack or two
Help them with their homework
Hold them when they're sad
Help them learn to regulate
Themselves when they are mad
Attempt to feed them dinner
Then it's time for bed
Pick out a book or two
From favorites we have read
Bandage up their owies
Make sure they brushed their teeth
Check beneath their beds to prove
There's nothing underneath
One last kiss for comfort
And then to tuck them in
Then off to sleep for mommy
To begin it all again

-gws

Bitter Beans

With bleary eyes I seek them out
There in the can upon my shelf
I dip the scoop and pour in four
I can't imagine adding more
The water roils and rumbles 
And from the kettle's spout it tumbles
Into my press of french design
To make a potion most divine
Four minutes seems to last forever
As morning light, my walls, does feather
Into my cup goes sugar and cream
Awaiting the potion of bitter beans
At last I add the dark rich brew
And breathe in the familiar scent anew
"Good morning!" the first sip says to my brain
And now I'm ready to face the world again

-gws