Speaking one’s truth is an act
Of rebellion
Of reclaiming
Of liberation
It is stepping into the light
After living in the dark for too long
It is my story to tell
And I will tell it as part of my healing
-gws
My Story To Tell
Category: Vulnerability
Tabula Rasa
My future is tabula rasa
Full of possibilities
Slow to emerge from the long shadows
And still brushing off the cobwebs of shame, doubt, and fear
I begin to wonder what awaits me
Who awaits me
The question nauseates me
I'm not ready to open my heart
Nor do I expect to be ready any time soon
And yet I find myself wondering
Will there be another
My heart fearfully whispering,
"Will I get a second chance?"
I'm not ready to fall in love again
I am only longing for the magic of falling
The elation that comes from feeling seen
Feeling chosen
Because all I wanted for so long
Was to feel chosen
To be enough
I am working to remember how to love me
How to be enough for myself
How to appreciate my perfect imperfections
How to forgive the choices I made to survive
I must become reacquainted with me
My future is tabula rasa
Full of possibilities
Bursting with opportunity to craft a life I want to live
And blessed with time to heal from a life I endured
I embrace my next chapter gratefully
Even as my knees quake with each step forward
My blank slate has its first word: freedom
Its second word: peace
I think that's a beautiful place for a new story to start
-gws
Dueling
Asking for help often feels like failure
Like challenging my shame to a duel
Dueling with my shame is graceless and ugly
Inflicting a million tiny self-judging cuts
To my compromised self-esteem
I try to grab onto the radiating love
When the call for help is answered
Letting that love eclipse my shame
Transmute that shame with humble gratitude
Into worthiness
I know those who offer their support
Do so selflessly because to them I am worthy
Even when I don’t feel so
-gws
I Have No Smiles for You Today
I have no smiles for you today
I will not push away my melancholy
My face is painted in shades of grief I refuse to hide
I have hidden my pain
My shame
My fear
My rage
For far too long
I will not hide this grief from view
I will not bury deep my truth
I have suffered for years in silence
I will do my mourning in the light
I am red and raw
Bruised and beaten
Emerging from nightmares
Questing toward a life unburdened
Dead dreams crunching underfoot
Like so many fallen leaves
Shattered hopes glittering
Like shards of glass in my wake
I have no smiles for you today
My mourning clothes are on display
And when its done things may not change
I have put all my masks away
-gws
To Love Me Properly
To love me properly
Be vulnerable
Come honest
Practice deep curiosity
Not just about me
About EVERYTHING!
Be emotionally intelligent
Especially about yourself
Dream
Imagine
Never forget how to look at me
Like I'm the North Star
Want me to write books of poetry about
How you and me equals us
Dance with me to the rhythm of our heartbeats
Enjoy staying up into the quiet hours
Discussing obscure and wonderful things
Willingly and gently hold space for me
Be okay with being, and being with quiet company
Give and receive love in spontaneous small gestures
Own your imperfections gracefully
Own your mistakes openly
Love me fiercely and without chains
Hunt for magic in the world
Create magic in its absence
Play for the sake of it
Respect me in thought, word, and deed
Honor me by dancing in the light of all my
Shining diamond facets
I'll do the same for you
Desire to embrace a prismatic life
Whatever is left undefined here
Treat as an opportunity to dive deeper
Learn more
Know me better
I am bottomless
An endless landscape to explore
Be willing to be broken open
I want to run my mind over every square inch of your soul
Commit to memory the scars life has left on your heart
So that I may know how to navigate your rough waters
I want to listen to the meanderings of your inner child
I want to know you in 360 degrees
And three dimensions
Be brave enough to shine light into your shadows
Unashamed because you understand
How important healing oneself is
Be secure in my transparency
Be like stained glass
Brilliantly and complexly designed
Beautiful and translucent
Know that love is a lifetime conversation
A dance that never ends
Shifting and changing
Gracefully synchronized
The prerequisites for loving me properly
May sound unachievable
But to the right person
It will sound like a revelation
-gws
How to Woo a Poet
Crave deep and honest conversation
Sit with her
Like a blind man tracing her face
Run your curiosities
With careful deliberateness
Across her mind
And allow her to do the same
Lean into the exchange
And let the world fall away
Spend the night in philosophical repose
So you may greet the dawn
With your souls on fire
Make evenings like this a ritual
This will light a fire in her blood
This is how to woo a poet
-gws
Storyteller Heart
With awkward ineloquent rhymes
I started breathing life into words I tattooed
Onto untold reams of pressed dead trees
When I was still learning how to tell my story
I held too much inside
I needed a pressure valve
An escape hatch for my muted voice
That had so much to say
But hid from the light of day
To hold space for my soul which felt so keenly
I juggled words in my mind
Like a magician rolls coins across his knuckles
A dance of language
Choreographed to the rhythm of heartbeats
Raw and unrefined
But as necessary as air
I worried about those early musings
Sure they were self-indulgent nonsense
Important to no one but me
But that was the point
The words were important to no one but me
The way they should be
If others understood them
If others were moved by them
Then I was doing something extra that was right
I gave my voice the space to tell my story
Released my experience as art
Defined by my own rules
A baby poet learning how to
Let her storyteller heart fly
-gws
A Love Letter for Those Who Love Me
Thank you all for being my angels
My bowling lane bumper guards
My Jiminy Crickets
My chorus of friends and family
Who say the things I have had so much trouble saying to myself
For constantly reminding me that the children and I
Demand, command, and deserve
To be held most valuable
For reminding me that no matter how terrible I feel about what I am doing
That there is a greater good that I must serve
That of the wellbeing of my family of three growing souls and one old, weary one
“I love you,” is hardly powerful enough
“I’m grateful,” is impotent in its ability to deliver the depth
Of what I feel for what you are doing for me and my children
You have filled the many holes in me with light and love and patience and grace
This journey hasn’t drowned me because you have pulled my head from beneath the water
Gently reminding me to breathe until I can remember how to float again
I know I wouldn’t be at this place
Walking forward one painful step at a time without all of you
Picking me up and cheering me on
-gws
Friends…
Friends...
Hold me up when the weight of my world
Causes my knees to buckle
Sing truth to my inflamed mind
When the noise of living trauma
Drowns my ability to reason
Gentle
Patient
Empathetic
Sometimes sharp but never cruel
My lighthouse in stormy waters
My safety net when the trapeze breaks
My light in the darkest and longest nights
Voicing wisdom I need at the right time
In the right way
Through the right person
Another conduit through which
My Goddess speaks to me
All of them a blessing I can never
Craft adequate words to encompass
So important and special
Their glow is to my night sky
-gws
Learn to Say Goodbye
I see the grief in your eyes
As the carefully crafted reality you made
Starts to fracture into a cascade of spiderwebs
The part of me that still loves you
Wants to comfort you
Tell you that everything will be ok
But I cannot do that
This disillusionment is necessary
And being trapped inside your bell jar
Has nearly ended me
I will not forge you a new one with false hope
That I am still your refuge
Because this all must end
You must face the world
On the other side of the looking glass
The real world where the damage you have wrought
Lays exposed before you
A cold world where you are finally alone
My heart breaks because it didn't need to be this
I wanted to love you
I tried to
But you didn't know how to accept love
And you didn't know how to give love
Because you don't know how to love yourself
You don't know what healthy love feels like
I feel the grief in my heart as I watch you
Watch your world unravel
I mourn for both of us
For the future that will never be
For the past so full of pain
For the love we both deserved but
That couldn't survive your demons
I did love you
I loved you so much, so hard
I forgot how to love myself
I grieve for all we are letting go of
I grieve along side you
As my hand slips from yours
And we learn to say goodbye
-gws
Words Wishes and Wisdom 