Venom and vitriol spill from your lips like waterfalls
Splashing your acidic emotion onto everyone within earshot
And like a corrosive acid
Your droplets of rage dissolve peace and trust into
Fumes of airborne poison
Born like toxic dandelion seeds in a wind storm
The toxin violates ears and thoughts and hearts
Plants fear
Births reflexive anxiety
Rivers of cortisol flow through my blood
The sickness consuming calm like a cancer
Slowly destroying and corrupting every relationship
That comes into contact with it
-gws
Everyday I watch you head to war
War with the demons in your mind
War with your family
War with strangers
War with me
Your war created my PTSD
Always triggered
You constantly strategize and scrimmage
Uncaring about collateral damage
Gleefully seeking maximum carnage
You roll in the mud of your resentments
Wearing them like war paint
Screaming with berserker rage
Craving vengeful satisfaction
Through blood lust and pain
Unaware your counting coo trophies
Leave you the monster of the story
The victim turned villain
Doomed in bitterness until the end
-gws
Too many school shootings
Too many mass shootings
Targeted racial violence
Police brutality
Poisoned water supplies
Threatened reproductive autonomy
Diminishing voting rights
Suicides
Pandemic illness, isolation, and death
Natural disasters
Climate change
Ever broadening wealth gap
Online bullying
Ridiculous social standards spread on social media
Mental health crisis
Increasing racism
Food insecurity
Increasing addictions
Decreasing compassion...
Apathy looming over it all
-gws
I sit in the prison of your anxiety The ever-moving labyrinth of mood and emotion Worry and fear Shame and anger Afraid to disturb the shadows or sigh too deeply In case my breath causes you to erupt I fear drawing your attention by moving too quickly Like drawing the attention of immortal beings in fairy tales If I run, it will draw your ire If I sit silently, you might forget I'm here And never turn your flaming eyes in my direction I hide when you seek me I cannot heal or help I cannot hold you up Your fear and anger sharpen your tongue to a razor's edge And I have scars upon scars There is no reason in your mental prison Rational thought cannot survive there Though I love you, I cannot survive here Amongst the rage and blame and shame and fear I cannot be your comfort and your enemy I cannot continue to be torn by your dichotomy You may be fractured, but I wish to be whole When the dawn comes, I will choose me And leave the dark to you
The world is scary and uncertain
The unknown is casting a long, dark shadow on life as we understood it
It feels like I'm tumbling in rough surf and I can barely catch my breath
When things feel big, I need to make them smaller
I can do this through gratitude
I can reframe my circumstances from a place of grace over fear
In a moment where loss and fear govern, I look to the blessings I see all around
Like seedlings taking root in the dark, forgotten places
Cancer proved to be a blessing
It may have introduced it's own book of fears, but it also prevented someone I love from traveling at a time when many people were falling ill, and we had no recourses yet
I feel this truth in my gut
The Pandemic helped me access assistance that was previously off limits to me
It has changed the way I work, making it easier to be available to my family while continuing to be employed and safe
It has reminded me to say, "I love you," more
To hug my children more
To try to forgive and relinquish grievances
To live as my authentic self
To speak my truth
To honor my own boundaries
To take stock of what is good
To "live life on life's terms" and know that my higher power will have my back
To be gentle with myself when I don't live up to my own standards
To appreciate my health
To sit heavily in the present moment and appreciate all that is good instead of being busy for busy's sake
To be able to shift energy from a grinding list of To-dos to what I am able to do in this moment, place, or circumstance
It is so easy to fall into a deep despair
There are so many reasons to feel hopeless
But there are many more reasons to have hope and even to rejoice
The world, life, the Universe has shaken us all up
I choose to take it as a clarion call
I will water the seedlings of positivity and remove the weeds of fear growing in my inner garden
Through this effort, I will keep my feet and continue moving through life with gratitude and deep love
-gws
I was tasked to write out my feelings regarding someone who was one of the biggest adversarial people in my whole life. The exercise designed to help me relinquish and release my long held rage and resentment. I wrote seven and a half pages. I ran out of words. But I didn't run out of rage.
I have carried molten, violent, unfulfilled rage toward this person for at least a decade. This person is dead, and yet I still hold a belly full of rage. Raw, ragged, bitter, acidic rage.
It consumes such resources with its existence. I have carried this wicked ember for so long that despite the fact that it no longer serves a purpose, I don't know how to release it or extinguish it. It is a companion I have grown too used to despite despising that it exists at all. I also cannot help but wonder how life will feel without the burn I've become so used to.
I feel it sitting like a silent scream, desperate to wrack my body in ragged convulsions of hot tears and roaring sobs. I feel that if I were to relinquish my hold on it, the rage would wring me dry, and maybe consume me outright. It feels like once the bottle is uncorked and the demon released, its force, alone, will use me up in a blinding, all-encompassing, soul-fire blaze.
Will I survive it? What will be left of me? What lies beneath it? What will take the place it leaves empty and desolate? Will I be the same when it's done with me?
gws
I wipe the small, petty, vindictive venom from your lips
Sanitize the air polluted by them
I will clip your fangs if I have to
This is not the legacy we will pass on
Your wounds
Claw marks and ripped skin
Will not mar youthful innocence
And loving hearts
They will continue to know a loving embrace
And soft kisses for as long as possible
Before the ugliness and cruelty of the world
Changes them forever
You will not speed them toward that end
-gws
Words Wishes and Wisdom 