Because My Mama Loves Me

Inspired by the below Facebook Post

Because my mama loves me no matter how far away we are, or how frequently we talk  
Because my mama loves me no matter how old I get, or how many babies I’ve had
Because my mama loves me no matter how capable or incapable I perceive myself to be
Because my mama loves me no matter how broke I am or successful I become
Because my mama loves me no matter how little or how much I love myself
Because my mama loves me..."more, most, to the moon and back, and to infinity and beyond"
Because my mama will always love her baby girl like the day she learned she carried my spark, and will beyond when our sparks rejoin the stars

Because I love my mama I will treat every check in like a hug
Because I love my mama I will treat every worry like a kiss
Because I love my mama I will treat every conversation as a gift
Because I love my mama I will treat every gift as a treasure
Because I love my mama I will not take any second of her love for me for granted
Because I will always love my mama I will love her like the day my spark took root inside of her, and will beyond when our sparks rejoin the stars

-gws

Strangers

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I think we are strangers
I want to love you, but I don't know who you are
Do you know?
It's hard to love someone you don't know
You don't seem to know who I am
Do you really want to?

We continue to dance in circles 
But never to the same tune
All stomped on toes
And elbows to the ribs
Frustrated and blaming the other

Our sketches of the other
Horrific distortions 
Each of us unrecognizable
In the images we hold up to each other
Like a horrible collaboration of Salvador Dali and Marc Chagall

We speak to each other in discordant tones
Two different conversations occurring in the same time and space
Cacophonous and dissonate 
Everything lost in translation

-gws


Bad Habit

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You are a bad habit
Like nail biting or tobacco
Like loving the villain more than the hero
Like being addicted to pain

No matter how many times 
I reshelve your story in the bookshop of my life
The familiar weight of it always ends up
Going home with me in my bag
Even though I know how the story ends

No matter how often I quit
No matter how much will power I employ
It's never enough to break the habit of you
And like the power inherent to so many bad habits
You may well be my undoing

-gws



Disobedient Children

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"Disobedient children don't live half of their days."
I can hear your voice reciting this sentiment 
Did you ever consider how scary that sounds to a child
I know it was meant to scare 
But was it meant to scar
This turn of phrase left me so confused 
So convinced that I’d never see adulthood 
I know you meant no harm
You carried forward what you learned

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep brought no comfort 
For what does a child know of life and death
The memory of that oft said phrase
The memory of that terrible prayer
Still haunt my inner child

Rock-a-bye Baby always made me sad for the baby
Why was the baby on a treetop
A baby falling from a broken tree bough 
Is hardly a comforting lullaby

I did not carry these things forward
I staunchly refused
I surrendered the nightmares of these things to the ether and to time
And celebrate every day that this disobedient child is still here

- gws

Is the Play the Thing?

Where are the love song sentiments
The reluctant partings
The needful longings
The passionate reunions
The soul worshiping
The celebration of every tiny quirk or trait
The promises of lifetime comfort
The celebrations of loving someone as they are
For exactly who and what they are

The love songs lied and now all end in tears
One day, who you are will not be who they want you to be
And the same will be true as you look at them
There will be no celebration
And you will wonder if there ever really was
I don't think there ever was

I think I was what was supposed to happen
Chosen to be cast in a role because I showed up to the audition
And no one else was qualified for the role
I learned the lines and the choreography
And it was good enough for a time
But good enough only gets you by for a time

I thought I really earned the part
That I embodied the role
That compliments were sincere
That the applause was genuine
But the flowers stopped coming at the end of the show

The costumes no longer fit
The auditorium is empty
Or worse, filled with disappointment and resentment
But I cannot remove the makeup
No matter how hard I scrub
And I cannot leave the stage
Because the show must go on
So I repeat the same steps on the worn floor
The soulless smile failing to light my eyes
Enduring until the music ends

-gws

Rabbit Holes of Rumination

Photo by Quang Nguyen Vinh on Pexels.com
You treat me like a beautiful mind
Asking my opinions
Exploring ideas
You invite me to engage in discordant conversation
And uncomfortable curiosity
You bid me to think deeply
To test the boundaries of my beliefs
You ask me to pull you down rabbit holes of rumination
Neither of us sure where we will be lead
Yet both of us excited for the journey
We discuss, debate, and discover
We challenge, and question, and deadlock
Always honest and vulnerable
Open, curious, and safe
Exchanging thoughts and perspectives
With the utmost love and respect
And I thank you for every luminous minute

-gws

Nourished

When my roots are nourished
The fire at my core ignites
The light returns to my eyes
As my soul flares bright with renewal
Colors become more vivid
Flavors more complex
My pupils dilate
The world is exciting again
Enticing again

When my roots are nourished
My mind becomes expansive
Filled with possibilities, curiosities, and wonderment
My blood sings universal mysteries into my ears
As I become wholly seated in my body
So that I may experience life 
Amongst the tapestry of human sensations 

When my roots are nourished
I crave deeper connections
My need for physical touch grows
Primal energy infuses my thoughts and dreams
As I desire to experience the universe on a spiritual level
Burning across the sky in an explosion of sacred energy
Enlightened and sated and complete

-gws


Toxicity

A snake with a butterfly by Johan Teyler (1648 -1709). Original from The Rijksmuseum. Digitally enhanced by rawpixel. by Rijksmuseum is licensed under CC-CC0 1.0
Venom and vitriol spill from your lips like waterfalls
Splashing your acidic emotion onto everyone within earshot
And like a corrosive acid
Your droplets of rage dissolve peace and trust into
Fumes of airborne poison
Born like toxic dandelion seeds in a wind storm
The toxin violates ears and thoughts and hearts
Plants fear
Births reflexive anxiety
Rivers of cortisol flow through my blood
The sickness consuming calm like a cancer
Slowly destroying and corrupting every relationship
That comes into contact with it

-gws

A Mother’s List

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Wake them
Dress them
Feed them
Then it's off to school
Pick them up
And bring them home
Provide a snack or two
Help them with their homework
Hold them when they're sad
Help them learn to regulate
Themselves when they are mad
Attempt to feed them dinner
Then it's time for bed
Pick out a book or two
From favorites we have read
Bandage up their owies
Make sure they brushed their teeth
Check beneath their beds to prove
There's nothing underneath
One last kiss for comfort
And then to tuck them in
Then off to sleep for mommy
To begin it all again

-gws