My significant other
Is more other than significant now
I wish I felt better about this fact
I do not miss the now of him
I’m still in love with the then of him
When love knocks you can never know
The beauty or horror in its entourage
You believe love can conquer all
And learn that love is often not enough
My significant other left
A significant mark on me
That is hardly insignificant
-gws
Listening to a physicist waxing poetic
In a live stream about theoretical physics, quantum mechanics,
Philosophy, US politics, Mandela Effects, and more
As he stands in front of the Large Hadron Collider
While I drink a perfect cup of coffee and start my Tuesday
My soul and my brain are extraordinarily happy
-gws
The enduring redwood is dead
Meant to withstand
Storm and fire and drought
Heartwood rotted from within
Disease and neglect
Claimed their prize
A reminder that
Sometimes good things die
-gws
And so comes the end of the heaviest chapter
The plot twisted dramatically
In the hands of an unreliable narrator
Linear time fractured
Slowed
Ran backward
Perspectives shifted
Creating more confusion than clarity
Muted colors of nostalgia dull recollections
Emotional sharpness blunted
The hollow ache of a long goodbye
Completed with the deliberate placement
Of an arch-ending period.
The next act begins with a page turn
“THE NEXT CHAPTER” written atop it
-gws
Ev’ry Mother’s Day
A simple pastel bouquet
Carnations in bloom
To honor your roll in life
As mother and grandmother
-gws
I realize that this year’s Christmas
Will be my first in decades without you
That shatters me like a dropped ornament
I wanted us to be a Hallmark holiday romantic comedy
But we were, instead, a Nancy McKeon movie of the week
This year is heavy with disappointment
Like that of not finding that hoped for gift beneath the tree
Or the disillusionment of learning Santa
Is just your parents’ amateur slight of hand
Or that moment in Love Actually when Emma Thompson
Opens her gift to discover it's a Joni Mitchell CD
Instead of the expensive necklace that Alan Rickman
Bought for his sexy secretary instead of his loving wife
You keep trying to gift me expired I love yous
I let them fall to the ground like dry pine needles
Christmas lights wear glimmering halos
From the tears that well when the Carpenters croon
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
I will not hang your stocking
Or buy you a well-considered gift
I will, however, cast a Christmas wish
For you to dream of better days
As you nestle in an unfamiliar bed
That old St. Nick blesses you
With a better life ahead
-gws
I stand with Lady Hecate in her place of power
The Great Crossroad
The intersection of past and present
Lessons and possibility
She holds her lantern aloft
Illuminating my options
I can see that each step
Each choice
Leads to another nexus
Another crossroad
For life is a spiderweb of crossroads
An infinite collection of choices
Interconnecting to plot our life's course
In this moment of perfect presence
I breathe
I reach out with my intuition
With deep faith and trust I step forward
Toward a future of my own choosing
-gws
You have said a lifetime's worth of, "I love you" in the last ten months
I remember that you rarely said it in the twenty-three years
When I needed to hear it like my blood needed oxygen
What am I to do with your, "I love you" now
Now that I cannot love you anymore
Oh! My heart still loves you
Still wrings drops of hope from itself
Hope hanging heavy from tear tracts
To be wiped bitterly away
Because there is no hope left
Hope is just a tether
Preventing me from moving on
From acknowledging the truth that
The third body is dead and has been for a long time
Love's hope nearly destroyed me
Consumed me
My heart will not let me pry this foolish hope from her hands
So instead, I have to lock it away
In the dark, cold, empty cavity that is my chest
Heart unable to comprehend that I do this for our own good
It screams and howls in the echoing silence
"One last chance!"
"One more time!"
"Maybe this time! Maybe! Just maybe!"
"I love you" manifests no magic here
"I love you" will not call forth a miracle for us
I still love you,
Too
But I HAVE to love me,
MORE
-gws
Touch the grass of your trauma
If it helps you remember why you moved on
But do not root there
There’s nothing but poison in that soil
-gws
What I'm thinking is:
This is hard shit.
That sometimes grabbing that fact by the throat and screaming in its face is necessary from time to time.
Sometimes sitting in the shadow of that truth is required when our spirits are tired and our hearts so broken.
And when we're done, we rest. We breathe. And we rise and fight some more.
Because we're mothers.
-gws
Words Wishes and Wisdom 