Beware love spells. Beware the wanting. Beware the asking. You may get more than you bargained for. -gws
Love Spells
Category: Love
I used to write for you
I used to write for you Now I only write about you You do not have the patience Or maybe the capacity for poetry -gws
When the Pain is Greater
"In the end, you cannot save what does not want to be saved."
"When the pain is greater than the fear, you will know what to do."
Every time your resentments flow like tidal waves
I drown in a truth that is brighter than the sun
You didn’t want this life
You didn’t want me
You thought by choosing me you were…
...making right on the injuries you inflicted
...picking the girl who would be steady and sure
...thumbing your nose at your conservative parents
...proving something to your sisters
...doing what was expected of you by your family and society
...doing what you expected of yourself
You might have loved me once
But you don’t know how to love yourself
And unless you can love yourself
You cannot love anyone else
And we all suffer
You
Me
The kids
In trying to manifest some imagined expectation you believe the world burdened you with
You have doomed us to a hollow, lonely existence
In the darkest moments, I sometimes wish you had never come back
After you walked away all those years ago
I sometimes think the man I fell in love with never returned
You went out for bread and just never came back
Only your demons returned wearing your face
Time has not been kind to us
Nor has it bred kindness in us
Though I think I really tried
But the steel in your eye and the edge in your voice
As you lay down my assigned crimes in a quiet growl
Eviscerates me over and over for
The crimes of a world that doesn't adhere to your desires
It hurts to love you
And I don’t know if I have it in me to continue to try
I am drinking sand in the desert for lack of water
And I am withering inside
So just admit that I am not what you wanted
I am what you thought you should have
A requirement on the test of Life
That allowed you to check the box of successful adulthood
"Hurt people, hurt people," I've heard it said
You are a drowning man who is blindly flailing
Endangering or scaring off those who might help
I accept your life's injury and pain
But I do not accept responsibility for it
And I cannot continue to endure your wrath to heal you
"In the end, you cannot save what does not want to be saved."
"When the pain is greater than the fear, you will know what to do."
-gws
Who I Want to Be
I want a closet full of ball gowns that I wear to the grocery store I want a shelf full of outlandish hats that I wear to walk the dog I want a drawer full of adorable fandom socks that I wear with bedazzled sneakers I want a collection of cloaks, coats, and sweaters handmade from mismatched scraps of fabric and yarn that create random, joyous patterns I want to dance on curbs and twirl in open spaces I want to speak random bits of spontaneous verse in the park I want to compliment the charismatic child and the quietest person at the party so they know they are seen I want to be the joyous crone who says sage things and knows that life shouldn’t be taken so seriously I want to be unequivocally, undeniably me -gws
Fierce Friends
Yesterday I saw a friend for the first time in a long time. Although it hadn't been terribly long, a lot of life happened for both of us since I last saw them. We hugged each other fiercely, as if quenching a long neglected thirst. The power of the moment, the energy and emotion that flew across the room and into my unknowingly needful arms was surprisingly welcome. Everything stopped for a few heartbeats as we existed in the silent contentment of a deeply longed for and comforting embrace. They are kindred. Family. Precious to me in ways I have no need to explain. Being with them is like sipping sweet water for my soul. Time together is always precious and seems never long enough. I look forward to the next visit together. -gws
Prison of Anxiety
I sit in the prison of your anxiety
The ever-moving labyrinth of mood and emotion
Worry and fear
Shame and anger
Afraid to disturb the shadows or sigh too deeply
In case my breath causes you to erupt
I fear drawing your attention by moving too quickly
Like drawing the attention of immortal beings in fairy tales
If I run, it will draw your ire
If I sit silently, you might forget I'm here
And never turn your flaming eyes in my direction
I hide when you seek me
I cannot heal or help
I cannot hold you up
Your fear and anger sharpen your tongue to a razor's edge
And I have scars upon scars
There is no reason in your mental prison
Rational thought cannot survive there
Though I love you, I cannot survive here
Amongst the rage and blame and shame and fear
I cannot be your comfort and your enemy
I cannot continue to be torn by your dichotomy
You may be fractured, but I wish to be whole
When the dawn comes, I will choose me
And leave the dark to you
-gws
Sacred
I am sacred. My vessel is beautiful. I shall embrace these truths as prayer. -gws
October Eclipse
I took a walk under warm October skies. Friday night lights lit my way as the marching band at the local high school played Motown on the nearby football field. As I walked down the street, I passed a young woman in a relaxed phone conversation on her front porch. She was joyously telling the person on the other end of the phone that she had just realized that she was excited to get married, and I smiled at her to show my joy at her joy. She smiled back in acknowledgement. But as I made my way toward home, my smile quickly faded as I realized that I never got to experience that feeling she was describing. I never got to be excited about getting married. Every time I started to get excited a shadow would eclipse my sun. Another discovery. Another confrontation. Another meltdown. Another confession. Another betrayal. Another, "I'm sorry." Another. Another. Another... Stolen joy. Disappointment. Hurt. Reassessment. Promise. Betrayal. Apology... I envied that woman's excitement. More, I wished her great love and lasting happiness. I knew neither. I watched red contrails crisscross the orange-glow, autumn sunset sky, and wondered if it could have been different. I wondered if it should have been different. I wondered if it should be different. I returned home to my reality, and as I stepped back into my rut-worn role in my desaturated, carbon copy world, I hoped tomorrow might be different despite knowing that would likely never be. -gws
Haunted
Some loves haunt your soul your whole life long. -gws
Happy Pride!
Happy Pride Month! Whether you scream your truth from the rooftops, or live in quiet authenticity, I hope you live as your authentic self, surrounded by love. -gws
Words Wishes and Wisdom 