Every step I take
I'm stomping on eggshells
They cover the landscape of this relationship
Like unexploded landmines after a war
The book explained it
It explained you
It explained us
Or
More specifically
Why there is no air between us
Why there is no peace between us
Why there is little hope for us
The book
However
Didn't tell me what I could do about it
What I should do about it
The only peace it gave was that
The immobility was a real side effect
The difficulty breathing
Being
Living
Leaving
That feeling stuck was normal
It isn't a failing
But a reflection of the deeply difficult
Existence of living with
Loving
Trying to love
Being loved by
Being hated by
Being loved by
Being resented by
Being loved by
Being shamed by
Being loved by
Being eviscerated by
Being loved by
Being devastated by
A person with a personality disorder
gws
Do you see me?
I’m here!
Over here!
Please look my way.
Right now, if you will.
I need to be seen.
Am I loud enough?
Am I bouncy enough?
Am I doing enough to draw you into me?
I need to be reminded I am important to someone.
To you.
Right now.
My inner child is screaming for recognition.
Just acknowledge me and I promise I will relax.
That feels good.
Thank you.
Wait.
How about a little more?
Wait, don’t go back to what you were doing.
I still crave your attention.
I still am desperate for validation.
I still need.
I still need.
I still need…
-gws
I received this wonderful note in the mail today. I happened to be looking at a FB post from the person who sent it when I opened it. It is a beautiful expression of appreciation and love, unexpected but wholly welcomed. It came on a day when it is a hard day. Where getting out of bed was hard. Fighting through the school day was hard. Where focusing on work is hard. This person’s words served a divine purpose with divine timing. I needed something to remind me I am enough. Something to remind me that I am seen in this moment when I’m feeling my most hopeless and helpless. Something to remind me that there is love and friendship and beautiful simplicity in my world to buoy my spirit in rough waters. Thank you, beautiful new friend. Your thoughtfulness threw me a lifeline today. I am blessed to know you and blessed to have the opportunity to get to know you better in the future. Thank you more than words can convey.
-gws
Words Wishes and Wisdom 