"In the end, you cannot save what does not want to be saved."
"When the pain is greater than the fear, you will know what to do."
Every time your resentments flow like tidal waves I drown in a truth that is brighter than the sun You didn’t want this life You didn’t want me
You thought by choosing me you were… ...making right on the injuries you inflicted ...picking the girl who would be steady and sure ...thumbing your nose at your conservative parents ...proving something to your sisters ...doing what was expected of you by your family and society ...doing what you expected of yourself
You might have loved me once But you don’t know how to love yourself And unless you can love yourself You cannot love anyone else And we all suffer You Me The kids In trying to manifest some imagined expectation you believe the world burdened you with You have doomed us to a hollow, lonely existence
In the darkest moments, I sometimes wish you had never come back After you walked away all those years ago I sometimes think the man I fell in love with never returned You went out for bread and just never came back Only your demons returned wearing your face
Time has not been kind to us Nor has it bred kindness in us Though I think I really tried But the steel in your eye and the edge in your voice As you lay down my assigned crimes in a quiet growl Eviscerates me over and over for The crimes of a world that doesn't adhere to your desires
It hurts to love you And I don’t know if I have it in me to continue to try I am drinking sand in the desert for lack of water And I am withering inside So just admit that I am not what you wanted I am what you thought you should have A requirement on the test of Life That allowed you to check the box of successful adulthood
"Hurt people, hurt people," I've heard it said You are a drowning man who is blindly flailing Endangering or scaring off those who might help I accept your life's injury and pain But I do not accept responsibility for it And I cannot continue to endure your wrath to heal you
"In the end, you cannot save what does not want to be saved."
"When the pain is greater than the fear, you will know what to do."
So, I just witnessed a random occurrence from my dining room window. Captured by the hazy, early afternoon light, I found myself gazing out of the window not too long after lunch. Everything was as expected for a mid-Spring day until something very odd caught my eye. As I looked out I saw…Jesus. As in Jesus CHRIST. The Messiah. The bearded dude. God Jr. One third of the original pop group, The Holy Trinity. Randomly, at one-thirty in the afternoon, on a Friday, there’s Jesus. He was walking down my street, carrying a slightly smaller than life-sized cross, and headed up the block. He was not walking on the sidewalk. That might have brought a sense of normalcy to the scene. Jesus was walking in the roadway. No people around. No cameras. Just a guy dressed as Jesus on, what I realized, was Good Friday. He was reenacting The Passion as his own show of deep faith. I felt honored to be allowed to witness such a personal act of devotion to faith.
-gws
Do you see me?
I’m here!
Over here!
Please look my way.
Right now, if you will.
I need to be seen.
Am I loud enough?
Am I bouncy enough?
Am I doing enough to draw you into me?
I need to be reminded I am important to someone.
To you.
Right now.
My inner child is screaming for recognition.
Just acknowledge me and I promise I will relax.
That feels good.
Thank you.
Wait.
How about a little more?
Wait, don’t go back to what you were doing.
I still crave your attention.
I still am desperate for validation.
I still need.
I still need.
I still need…
-gws
The Baker and the Bee
While tasting some brie
Decided that they wanted to host a party
They invited the quail
And the swan who was pale
And the pup with the happy tail
They hung a banner with glee
Upon the honey tree
And shared all their sweets for free
-gws
That one time when I realized that I lived several significant chapters of my life in a more compressed amount of time than I remember them. In my mind, these chapters are written in the space of a couple to three years, but in actuality it was only about eighteen months. And realizing this is all the fault of a playlist.
I'm from the days of mix tapes and mix CDs. Mixes may now be in the form of digital playlists, but this change doesn't alter the joy of these collections. These gems of curated musical narratives form soundtracks for my life. A really good mix yanks me back to a specific time and place. The music transports me into the heart of nostalgia where my younger selves dance in too bright colors with naive abandon.
Melancholy or celebratory, music transports me to a specific time, feeling, event, emotion. It's the time machine of memory connecting my flashbacks to my body as I New Jack Swing, Smurf, Roger Rabbit, Kid 'n Play, or head-bang on a cellular level when the right song plays. Maybe it's remembering a friend's antics on the dance floor, or awkwardly slow dancing with that boy I liked in ninth grade.
Playlists can share the feelings I am unable or unwilling to express out loud. The music tells my story through lyrics and orchestration. I can sing along and tell my truth in the middle of others, but only I know my expressions are more than a sing-a-long. I've confessed so much though the filter of a song playing on the radio, more through a well agonized over compilation presented to a crush or a friend. I've crafted playlists to set the tone for car trips and for friends surviving a breakup. Playlists are the gifts that keep on giving.
I look forward to being reminded of where I was physically and emotionally when I listen to old playlists. I look forward to creating new ones that speak to my now. I encourage you to shake your groove thang. Remember people are people. The groove is in the heart. It's okay to say bye, bye, bye. Hips don't lie. And don't forget to celebrate because it's the dawning of the age of Aquarius.
-gws
What do you do when you're bone-weary
When your soul is exhausted and all you want to do is cry
What do you do when you reflect on where you are
And you just can't quite understand how the hell you got there
What do you do when no choice seems like a good one
When all your efforts feel like they still end in defeat
What do you do when you feel like it's time to give up
But you're sure your gut is still saying, "just a little longer"
What do you do when you don't think you have more to give
When you don't think you have it in you to keep finding a path through
What do you do when all you know is fight
But all you want is peace
What do you do when you don't know what to do
-gws
Too many school shootings
Too many mass shootings
Targeted racial violence
Police brutality
Poisoned water supplies
Threatened reproductive autonomy
Diminishing voting rights
Suicides
Pandemic illness, isolation, and death
Natural disasters
Climate change
Ever broadening wealth gap
Online bullying
Ridiculous social standards spread on social media
Mental health crisis
Increasing racism
Food insecurity
Increasing addictions
Decreasing compassion...
Apathy looming over it all
-gws
I want a closet full of ball gowns that I wear to the grocery store
I want a shelf full of outlandish hats that I wear to walk the dog
I want a drawer full of adorable fandom socks that I wear with bedazzled sneakers
I want a collection of cloaks, coats, and sweaters handmade from mismatched scraps of fabric and yarn that create random, joyous patterns
I want to dance on curbs and twirl in open spaces
I want to speak random bits of spontaneous verse in the park
I want to compliment the charismatic child and the quietest person at the party so they know they are seen
I want to be the joyous crone who says sage things and knows that life shouldn’t be taken so seriously
I want to be unequivocally, undeniably me
-gws
Words Wishes and Wisdom 