I took a walk under warm October skies. Friday night lights lit my way as the marching band at the local high school played Motown on the nearby football field. As I walked down the street, I passed a young woman in a relaxed phone conversation on her front porch. She was joyously telling the person on the other end of the phone that she had just realized that she was excited to get married, and I smiled at her to show my joy at her joy. She smiled back in acknowledgement.
But as I made my way toward home, my smile quickly faded as I realized that I never got to experience that feeling she was describing. I never got to be excited about getting married. Every time I started to get excited a shadow would eclipse my sun. Another discovery. Another confrontation. Another meltdown. Another confession. Another betrayal. Another, "I'm sorry." Another. Another. Another... Stolen joy. Disappointment. Hurt. Reassessment. Promise. Betrayal. Apology...
I envied that woman's excitement. More, I wished her great love and lasting happiness. I knew neither.
I watched red contrails crisscross the orange-glow, autumn sunset sky, and wondered if it could have been different. I wondered if it should have been different. I wondered if it should be different. I returned home to my reality, and as I stepped back into my rut-worn role in my desaturated, carbon copy world, I hoped tomorrow might be different despite knowing that would likely never be.
-gws
I am so thirsty
I am immersed in fantasies of a time when my thirst was so well quenched
My soul was refreshed and my parched needs answered
A time when my mind was challenged and stimulated
My heart valued
My fires stoked
My passions met
Every movement or comment part of the dance
Every idea appreciated and explored with genuine curiosity
A time when long and deep conversations bloomed into sighs and gasps
When I was seen as a spirit and a woman
When I was worshiped like a goddess and accepted as my authentic and whole self
I remember what it feels like to know satisfaction in my soul
To be matched in every way
A time when stimulating debate ended in lovemaking
Where flirty jokes ended in effervescent laughter
I long to be loved in that way again
To be seen
To be heard
To be appreciated
To be sparred with
I want to bask in conversations which stimulate my mind so much that my body can't help but follow
Instead I live in static and daydreams
Memories and faded photographs of a time when there was more
It is these memories that informs my thirst
If I had never known that water could be so cool and so sweet, maybe I wouldn't crave it so
Instead, I will drink my tepid water as it is better than none
And I will pray for rain
-gws
I love you. Go upon your journey with that love as company in your heart. We have grown, and our paths have diverged. We didn't see it. We didn't plan it, but it happened at some point, between breaths, when neither of us were paying attention. We no longer see the world the same way. Time and personal experiences have distanced our paths. There was a fork in our road, and without knowing it, we, each, chose a different direction. By the time we looked back to realize we were no longer side by side, we had walked too far to double back to find each other again. We could only gaze across the distance, confused, and with quietly breaking hearts, wave goodbye and continue forward with a dull ache in our breasts.
I want you to know that I gathered up my love for you, and placed it in a space of honor on my heart's alter. We may no longer be close friends, but I never stopped loving you. I will never stop loving you. Your role in my life is undeniable, and I cherish it. I wish you all the happiness and love you can ever want. I pray life is kind to you. Whether or not not you feel the same toward me, or if I have faded quietly from your mind, may my love for you be stamped deep upon your heart. I hope it fills your cup whenever you need it, as memories of you fill mine. Above all, know I love you still.
May the moss soften your steps.
May the rain quench your thirst.
May the sun shine its warmth upon you.
May your table always have plenty.
May you know as much joy as you desire.
May you receive as much love as you share.
May your life be rich in blessings and richer with joy.
-gws
An “I-statement” focuses on your own feelings and experiences. It does not focus on your perspective of what the other person has done or failed to do.
Office of the Boston University Ombuds
I am human
a woman
a daughter
a wife
a mother
a lover
a caregiver
a nurturer
a provider
I am exhausted
hurt
angry
uncomfortable
scared
doing my best
I have a right to say no
to dislike something
to ask for what I want or need
to not be diminished or dismissed
to not be belittled
to rest when I need to
to prioritize myself
to have and respectfully express my own feelings out loud
to no be held accountable for offenses committed by others
I am not harming others when I am being my authentic self
not diminishing others when I speak my truth
not taking from others when I give to myself
not dishonoring others when I honor myself
I am an ally not an enemy
a partner not a villain
a friend not a foe
a person not an emotional punching bag
I do not want to be a vessel for holding pain that is not my own
Words Wishes and Wisdom 