No one knows
No one knows the unfathomable rage I am home to
No one sees the hot coals behind my eyes
No one hears the internal screaming resounding in my chest
No one feels the radiant heat of my simmering anger
No one knows the infinite plans of vengeance I push down
No one knows the resilient heat of the embers of resentment hidden just below the surface
No one witnesses the growing of my impotent fury
I am a soul under pressure
I am determined to produce diamonds and not explosions
Some days the beast pleads to be freed so its tongue can lash and its claws can rip
I am stronger than my base self
And I will restrain the monster until I can heal the wounds that feed and fuel it
I am resolved to not become or be consumed by the monster
My desire to be whole is greater than my desire to fracture and destroy
No one knows I am fighting to heal
No one knows that I am determined to heal
I know I will heal
I will heal
I will be whole
-gws
You don't know me
But you think you do
I am the one who rides
The one who looks out from the eyes with impartial curiosity
I am here
I am, also, not
I am the third person perspective
Existing in a first person world
Standing in front of you
But hiding in plain sight
-gws
Wake them
Dress them
Feed them
Then it's off to school
Pick them up
And bring them home
Provide a snack or two
Help them with their homework
Hold them when they're sad
Help them learn to regulate
Themselves when they are mad
Attempt to feed them dinner
Then it's time for bed
Pick out a book or two
From favorites we have read
Bandage up their owies
Make sure they brushed their teeth
Check beneath their beds to prove
There's nothing underneath
One last kiss for comfort
And then to tuck them in
Then off to sleep for mommy
To begin it all again
-gws
The most sensitive area of my body is my mind
Exchange thoughts with me
Stimulate me from the inside out
Engage me in metaphysical intercourse
Lead me down your roads of contemplation
Let me chase you through the field of your philosophies
Make my pulse quicken by describing your deepest passions
Touch me with your dreams
Your secrets
The intricacies of your core beliefs
Take me on a private tour of your sacred spaces
Turn me on with your vulnerability
Make me crave your speculations
Let me ache for the details of your considerations
Expand my mind to bursting with our conversations
Until I stop your mouth with the heat of mine
-gws
Today I chose to stay present
I chose to stay in sync with my breath
I chose to stay with the rhythm of my resting heartbeat
Today I chose to just listen
I chose to release my assumptions
I chose to keep my defenses sheathed
Today I chose to show up curious
I chose to leave my assumptions aside
I chose to suppress my desire to make judgements
Today I shed the skin of old behaviors
I chose to make conscious choices in the face of old fears
I chose to prove to myself that I can evolve
-gws
How do I stay away from you
When your shadow fits so well with mine
How do I wipe you from my thoughts
When I can't seem to wipe the memory of your lips from my skin
How do I give you up when all I want to do when you speak
Is stop your words with my mouth
When all I want is to feel your hands on my hips
How do I walk away when I see the way
Your eyes drink me in when you think I'm not looking
I crave you with every pulse in my veins
And the way you bite your lower lip says you crave me too
But we have so many reasons
Reasons
Rationalizations
Justifications
And the truth is
I don't care
I am not strong enough
I don't want to deny this draw
It's like gravity
Keeping us in orbit of each other
I don't want to deny this chemistry
That no alchemy can seem to alter
So fuck it
Let's burn together until dawn
-gws
Grief smothers It slows minutes to seconds Linear experience is arrested And time becomes one, disconnected moment Followed by another disconnected moment Like a damaged film reel Jumping from one stepping stone to the next Each leap a gaping chasm Light too bright Sound too loud Words have no meaning Colors leeched of their vibrance The body feels both weighted down and untethered Feelings resonate acutely beneath numbness Does life still make sense when it feels senseless? Is it possible to live when one cannot seem to draw breath? Grief feels like drowning Tumultuous and savage Full of ache, helplessness, desperation Roiling and hollow Swinging like a pendulum from feeling too much To nothing at all
Born deep inside of me
A glowing ember begging to ignite
To storm, snap, and snarl
A crimson shadow sharpening its claws
Scarlet eyes stalking opportunity
A monster lurking just below restraint
Whispering dark pleas for release
Begging for me to drop its chains
So its primal fires can erupt
And burn down the world
Howling triumphantly at the joy of destruction
-gws
Hunger chasm deep Engulfing and undenyable Awareness of heat and heartbeat Pulses pounding a compelling rhythm Skin seeking skin Lips seeking lips All sensation and want Shallow breaths Whispered gasps The spark ignites into a blaze Two souls surrender To flames of pleasure and need
The rock stood stalwart over the sea
Strong
Silent
Resolute
Ever watching
Ever present
The sea praised the rock
Recognizing its reliability
Extolling its resilience
Of the rock's ability to weather the elements
Alongside the sea
But the rock wasn't resilient
The rock suffered
The rain mellowed the rock
Smoothing down its defined edges
At first the rock did not mind
Because aren't smoothed edges
A testament to its steadfast partnership with the sea
Showing proof of its loyalty
But water was also an insidious lover
The mist with the help of the wind found every crack
And forced its way deep within the stone
Expanding fissures and causing fractures
The rock without realizing lost itself to time
The relentlessness of water
Slowly broke down the rock
Until it one day crumbled into the sea
It was not mourned or missed
Its absence sparked no shadow of memory
For the sea still lapped and lashed and sprayed and claimed
All who sat upon its shore
One drop of salted water at a time
-gws
Words Wishes and Wisdom 