Is the Play the Thing?

Where are the love song sentiments
The reluctant partings
The needful longings
The passionate reunions
The soul worshiping
The celebration of every tiny quirk or trait
The promises of lifetime comfort
The celebrations of loving someone as they are
For exactly who and what they are

The love songs lied and now all end in tears
One day, who you are will not be who they want you to be
And the same will be true as you look at them
There will be no celebration
And you will wonder if there ever really was
I don't think there ever was

I think I was what was supposed to happen
Chosen to be cast in a role because I showed up to the audition
And no one else was qualified for the role
I learned the lines and the choreography
And it was good enough for a time
But good enough only gets you by for a time

I thought I really earned the part
That I embodied the role
That compliments were sincere
That the applause was genuine
But the flowers stopped coming at the end of the show

The costumes no longer fit
The auditorium is empty
Or worse, filled with disappointment and resentment
But I cannot remove the makeup
No matter how hard I scrub
And I cannot leave the stage
Because the show must go on
So I repeat the same steps on the worn floor
The soulless smile failing to light my eyes
Enduring until the music ends

-gws

Rabbit Holes of Rumination

Photo by Quang Nguyen Vinh on Pexels.com
You treat me like a beautiful mind
Asking my opinions
Exploring ideas
You invite me to engage in discordant conversation
And uncomfortable curiosity
You bid me to think deeply
To test the boundaries of my beliefs
You ask me to pull you down rabbit holes of rumination
Neither of us sure where we will be lead
Yet both of us excited for the journey
We discuss, debate, and discover
We challenge, and question, and deadlock
Always honest and vulnerable
Open, curious, and safe
Exchanging thoughts and perspectives
With the utmost love and respect
And I thank you for every luminous minute

-gws

Nourished

When my roots are nourished
The fire at my core ignites
The light returns to my eyes
As my soul flares bright with renewal
Colors become more vivid
Flavors more complex
My pupils dilate
The world is exciting again
Enticing again

When my roots are nourished
My mind becomes expansive
Filled with possibilities, curiosities, and wonderment
My blood sings universal mysteries into my ears
As I become wholly seated in my body
So that I may experience life 
Amongst the tapestry of human sensations 

When my roots are nourished
I crave deeper connections
My need for physical touch grows
Primal energy infuses my thoughts and dreams
As I desire to experience the universe on a spiritual level
Burning across the sky in an explosion of sacred energy
Enlightened and sated and complete

-gws


Toxicity

A snake with a butterfly by Johan Teyler (1648 -1709). Original from The Rijksmuseum. Digitally enhanced by rawpixel. by Rijksmuseum is licensed under CC-CC0 1.0
Venom and vitriol spill from your lips like waterfalls
Splashing your acidic emotion onto everyone within earshot
And like a corrosive acid
Your droplets of rage dissolve peace and trust into
Fumes of airborne poison
Born like toxic dandelion seeds in a wind storm
The toxin violates ears and thoughts and hearts
Plants fear
Births reflexive anxiety
Rivers of cortisol flow through my blood
The sickness consuming calm like a cancer
Slowly destroying and corrupting every relationship
That comes into contact with it

-gws

No One

Photo by Andrew Schwark on Pexels.com

No one knows
No one knows the unfathomable rage I am home to
No one sees the hot coals behind my eyes
No one hears the internal screaming resounding in my chest
No one feels the radiant heat of my simmering anger
No one knows the infinite plans of vengeance I push down
No one knows the resilient heat of the embers of resentment hidden just below the surface
No one witnesses the growing of my impotent fury
I am a soul under pressure
I am determined to produce diamonds and not explosions
Some days the beast pleads to be freed so its tongue can lash and its claws can rip
I am stronger than my base self
And I will restrain the monster until I can heal the wounds that feed and fuel it
I am resolved to not become or be consumed by the monster
My desire to be whole is greater than my desire to fracture and destroy
No one knows I am fighting to heal
No one knows that I am determined to heal
I know I will heal
I will heal
I will be whole

-gws

A Mother’s List

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto on Pexels.com
Wake them
Dress them
Feed them
Then it's off to school
Pick them up
And bring them home
Provide a snack or two
Help them with their homework
Hold them when they're sad
Help them learn to regulate
Themselves when they are mad
Attempt to feed them dinner
Then it's time for bed
Pick out a book or two
From favorites we have read
Bandage up their owies
Make sure they brushed their teeth
Check beneath their beds to prove
There's nothing underneath
One last kiss for comfort
And then to tuck them in
Then off to sleep for mommy
To begin it all again

-gws

Metaphysical Intercourse

Photo by cottonbro studio on Pexels.com
The most sensitive area of my body is my mind
Exchange thoughts with me
Stimulate me from the inside out
Engage me in metaphysical intercourse
Lead me down your roads of contemplation
Let me chase you through the field of your philosophies
Make my pulse quicken by describing your deepest passions
Touch me with your dreams
Your secrets
The intricacies of your core beliefs
Take me on a private tour of your sacred spaces
Turn me on with your vulnerability
Make me crave your speculations
Let me ache for the details of your considerations
Expand my mind to bursting with our conversations
Until I stop your mouth with the heat of mine

-gws

The Shedding of Skin

Today I chose to stay present
I chose to stay in sync with my breath
I chose to stay with the rhythm of my resting heartbeat

Today I chose to just listen
I chose to release my assumptions
I chose to keep my defenses sheathed

Today I chose to show up curious
I chose to leave my assumptions aside
I chose to suppress my desire to make judgements

Today I shed the skin of old behaviors
I chose to make conscious choices in the face of old fears
I chose to prove to myself that I can evolve

-gws